Jacob & Kristen

Jacob was such a big presence and part of my time at Wheaton. Our relationship ebbed and flowed over our time there and since then, but I think we both held a lot of admiration and love for one another through it all.  

I remember our freshman year at Wheaton being so happy and fun. A bunch of us quickly became close between our brother/sister dorm floors and spent what felt like all of our free time together (most of it in the Switz). There were many games of dancing signs and silly Harry Potter themed pranks. At one point we found an old door somewhere and made it into a table which we drew on with sharpies. We were all kind of obsessed with each other. It was probably obnoxious to some people honestly, but it was amazing being a part of it. Jacob always felt like the glue to me in the whole thing. You could always count on him to make things even more fun and joyful. Everyone just loved being around him. There are very few people I’ve met in my life that are as magnetic as he was, and I’m so grateful I happened to be assigned to that floor. 

My sophomore year started out really tough when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I became pretty depressed and started isolating myself from a lot of the friend group. I was questioning God, and Wheaton suddenly didn’t feel like the friendly, happy place that it had been for me freshman year. There weren’t many people I felt comfortable sharing my pain with. Jacob made me feel heard and supported though. I never felt judged by him. I still have this thing he made me with Matthew 6:26 on it. When I was with him, all the other stuff weighing on me felt lighter. I truly loved spending time with him because he had this ability to bring out the best parts of me. I liked myself better when I was around him. I could laugh easier. I could be more present. His energy and joy was seriously infectious. 

Fall semester of sophomore year was probably when we were closest because we sort of tried dating. Really, we just went on one date. I was told to wear crazy clothes, but he didn’t give me any other details on what we were doing or where we were going. To say I was excited would be an understatement. I had developed a big crush on him by that point. We ended up going to a trampoline park and then to Buca di Beppo. I remember having so much fun playing dodgeball with a bunch of kids at the trampoline park. We split a huge banana split sundae at dinner, and I was quite smitten. Sometime shortly after I sent him a postcard that said “If you’re looking for a sign, this is it.” On the back I wrote, “Jacob, I like you. -Kristen” I don’t exactly remember what all happened after that, but he ended up breaking things off at some point. He made me this little card and drew a bunny smoking a pipe on the front. I still have it. On the back he wrote about how special I was and how much our friendship meant to him. 

Things understandably shifted a bit for us after that. We remained good friends, but there was some distance created in the changed dynamic. Still, that year we went on spring break together to South Padre, Texas. It was the two Jacobs (Carter and Weinzettel), the two Lukes (Vander Ploeg and Theobald), and me. We got to see his family’s home and spend some time with his parents. It quickly became obvious why Jacob was as incredible as he was–Mr. And Mrs. Carter are both so genuinely welcoming, funny, and loving. 

In 2019, Lydia and I took a trip to Seattle and saw Jacob while we were there. I hadn’t seen him since Wheaton probably. He came out to me then and told us about Daniel. He was gushing. It was so heartwarming to see him so happy and finally getting to live life in more alignment with his true self. It made me realize that there was a lot more going on at Wheaton for him than I ever realized at the time. 

We hadn’t really been in touch in these past few years. I felt so honored to be invited to his and Daniel’s wedding. That is such a happy memory for me. Watching him build community in Tacoma through Howdy brought me so much joy, having felt what it's like to be a part of Jacob’s circle. Knowing Jacob was out there doing his thing, always brought me some comfort and hope for our broken world. 

His death has brought up a lot for me. I’m so heartbroken for those closest to him. It is so unfair. He really made the world a better place. It is both amazing and unsurprising to see so many people sharing their love for him. I’m just so grateful I got to spend a little time with him on Earth and am inspired to carry his ‘joie de vivre’ forward. His light may be extinguished, but everyone who was blessed to know him still carries it forward. In that way, he is still very much alive and that brings me some comfort. ♥️