Jacob & Luke

I’ve been reeling ever since last night. I’ve never felt this kind of scattered and confused grief. I wrote about him last night. I remember when I barely knew him freshman year and I told him I liked his weird Jesus sandals. Next time I saw him he’d bought me a pair. They were too small because he wanted to surprise me and didn’t ask my shoe size. I was having such a rough fall and somehow in the midst of it he injected this moment of joy. 

That’s how I think of Jacob. He was generous, compassionate, mischievous, but above all he was an endless source of wild, unrestrained joy. It just flowed out of him. I remember when we went to the pool in Naperville and (I think) he introduced us to that game “what are the odds”. He dared me to ask the lifeguard for a push down the slide. I went for it, and he ended up losing the game and had to do it. And he did! That continues to be a bright and shining day in my memory. 

There’s so much more to say - so many memories with him at the forefront: sorting the sophomore class, dressing up for twilight, countless hours of super smash bros. 

Even after we stopped being in touch I felt somehow invested in his life. When he called me a couple years ago to tell me he was gay it felt like I was filling in the cracks on a more complete version of him. And even just watching on social media, it brought me so much joy to see him shaping a life that felt so so good for him. 

I think I always felt like life would curve in such a way that we’d see each other again and pick up our friendship. Jacob was a remarkable person and he deserved so much more time. I’m so grateful to have known him.